Tuesday, 12 October 2010
Have you got what it takes?
I'm finding the transition going from senior staff nurse to wet-behind-the-ears-med-student hard. It's hard going from being on top of your game, in a comfortable place - the go-to guy full of how-to and confidence - to being uncertain and feeling vulnerable. Before I started this course, I didn't realise how fragile my ego is.
It's compounded by being surrounded by a group who are effectively the top 10% of the class. Imagine the equivalent of a class filled with the girl who has a dozen different coloured highlighters and does extra reading for fun. I know I've earned my place here, but it doesn't make me feel any more comfortable. I know this is all in my head and I should just deal with it and crack on with the work...
It's pretty tragic that this is taking up so much of my run-time, as the course is full of work I need to do and is more than capable of giving me stuff to worry about. I think I just feel like the fact I'm an awkward nerd who tends to make friends on his own terms, is being thrown into sharp relief by the naturally gregarious and socially-engaged behaviours of med students in England. Why that is the norm, I don't know, but it's just helping me to relive a whole bunch of shit that I thought I'd dealt with in high school but apparently really haven't.
Good grief, this is a wee bit self-indulgent, isn't it? Hopefully telling the internet my deepest, darkest worries will help me get a handle on them. It would be really nice to be over all this kind of nonsense so I can really focus on worrying about how much I need to learn in four years!